I’m pretty sure that I haven’t spent nearly enough time thanking my mother for being who she is. Even after 32 years on this earth, I haven’t had enough time to relay to her just how thankful I am for her.
She chose me.
She loved me.
She sacrificed for me.
I’m sure there were more than enough occasions where I was less than pleasant, raising hell in any and all shapes and forms. I’m sure that I made things difficult, pained her, and made her want to pull her hair out. I have no disillusion that I was not only an independent child (still am, even at 32), but I was feisty, headstrong, and sassy. I can only guess how many nights, or days for that matter, that she cried over me and my actions. I pushed to the limits never fully understanding just how much I could hurt. Not to mention, I’m sure raising 3 little girls wasn’t an easy task.
See, I didn’t realize the person I had been for my own mother until I had a child of my own. I now understand the gut-wrenching love that a mother feels for her child. I now understand how every defiant act and subsequent discipline cuts deeply into a mothers’ heart. I understand that innate need to protect our child. I understand sacrifice. I understand selflessness. I understand the phrase “This hurts me more than it hurts you”. And I know the feelings of inadequacy and failure that happen on a daily basis. I look at my own child and wonder how it’s possible to love someone so much that it actually hurts.
And now, because I have experienced all of these things, I have realized just how many thanks are overdue for my mom.
My mom was not perfect. No mother is. But she gave for me and my sisters. She supported, she encouraged, she taught. I know that I would not be half the mother am I today without having had her. It’s that simple. She gave me the tools to be the kind of mother I am today to my own, and I don’t take that for granted in any way.
Love instills love.
So today I want to say thank you and happy Mother’s Day to my mom. Thank you for everything that you did, all the support you gave, and all those times you pointed me in the right direction. Thank you for all of the love you gave, even when I wasn’t an easy kid. Thank you for giving me the tools to be a mother to Jude and soon to Everly. They are in turn better kids because you loved me well enough to love them.
I guess it’s also a good idea to say happy Grand-Mother’s Day as well! Jude is one blessed little guy to have someone like you in his life that showers him in affection, love, and tons of play time. Even though you live far away, there is never a doubt that he loves you, knows you, and desires to be near you. What more could a little boy ask for? 🙂 I’m confident that his affection for you will only grow by leaps and bounds as he grows up and spends more time with you. Thank you for that gift for him and for me.
You are amazing, mom. Keep it up and know that you are loved across the miles by me and Jude and soon to be Everly. Even Tucker loves you. The tail wagging and face kissing is proof of that! Thank you now and for all the times I failed to tell you. And I love you.