It’s not about the food.
I said it.
When I made the choice to start this 120-day challenge, I knew that I would spend a lot of time learning about discipline in eating and exercise. I knew that I would work hard to follow the plan. What I didn’t know was that there would be some past emotions and memories that would surface. I didn’t know that I would get a glimpse into the deep-rooted things that have pushed me down this path.
It is about hurt, insecurity, and displaced blame.
I have been hurt, burned, walked all over, and told who to be. I have been degraded, lied to, abused, and left behind. I have internalized it all.
I have blamed everyone but myself.
All those years that I thought I was tough as nails and could take anything. I thought I was resilient. What I didn’t realize then was that I had instead become a sponge, burying my emotions with food and laziness.
In an effort to defy the negative energy around me, I wanted to control perceptions and show people that I didn’t care. I became defensive and bitter. I became insecure.
It took less than 24 hours for me to break down in tears by the things that were able to surface.
I have sat, contemplated, and realized that I want to let it all go.
I want to be a better person.
I want to be healthy not just physically, but mentally and spiritually as well.
And not just for me…for my husband…for my son.
When I said this was going to be a challenge, I didn’t realize just how deep those words could take me. It’s only day 3.
I want our family to have a chance at the most incredible life possible. I want it to be full of adventure and joy and love. But to have that, I need to start to address the past, and let it go. I will break down these walls I’ve built, brick by brick…