It’s not about the food. 

There.

I said it.

When I made the choice to start this 120-day challenge, I knew that I would spend a lot of time learning about discipline in eating and exercise. I knew that I would work hard to follow the plan. What I didn’t know was that there would be some past emotions and memories that would surface. I didn’t know that I would get a glimpse into the deep-rooted things that have pushed me down this path.

It is about hurt, insecurity, and displaced blame.

I have been hurt, burned, walked all over, and told who to be. I have been degraded, lied to, abused, and left behind. I have internalized it all.

I have blamed everyone but myself.

All those years that I thought I was tough as nails and could take anything. I thought I was resilient.  What I didn’t realize then was that I had instead become a sponge, burying my emotions with food and laziness.

In an effort to defy the negative energy around me, I wanted to control perceptions and show people that I didn’t care. I became defensive and bitter. I became insecure.

It took less than 24 hours for me to break down in tears by the things that were able to surface.

I have sat, contemplated, and realized that I want to let it all go.

I want to be a better person.

I want to be healthy not just physically, but mentally and spiritually as well.

And not just for me…for my husband…for my son.

When I said this was going to be a challenge, I didn’t realize just how deep those words could take me. It’s only day 3.

I want our family to have a chance at the most incredible life possible. I want it to be full of adventure and joy and love. But to have that, I need to start to address the past, and let it go. I will break down these walls I’ve built, brick by brick…

 

  • Karen

    Praying for you and your journey! I believe in you always! Love you!

    August 6th, 2014 9:17
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  • Missy

    Wow thanks for your naked honesty! Be strong!

    August 6th, 2014 11:52
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  • Will

    Get it girl!!! 🙂 You’re so right.. it’s never about “the food.” Love you, dear friend.

    August 6th, 2014 14:41
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    • Kate

      Thanks Will! Miss you a bunch…I’m thinking that we might need to take a trip to CO. Soon.

      August 6th, 2014 14:50
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  • Meghan

    I love your blog, Kate! I am on a similar challenge as well and this really helps to read. Keep up the good work.

    August 11th, 2014 12:02
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    • Kate

      Thanks Meghan! I hope that maybe this can encourage you in your health journey too! Thanks for reading.

      August 11th, 2014 21:41
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